Ivory Locks
by TheLunarSquad
Summary: The Mekakushitty Dan can't stop their raging teenage hormones from catapulting them into angst filled frenzies. Melodrama and Poképuns ensue.


**This is my new super kawaii story. I really love Pokemon and I hope you do too!**

 **My favorite is definitely Pikachu! He is a 10/10 uke! (with Ash of course)**

* * *

ShinTaillow looked at his phone. He felt a wave of hormonal teenage angst hit him like a truck. He was sweating a bucket (HOMESTUCK REFERENCE) of angst as he nyoomed down the Route 22. He noticed the shittily drawn backgrounds that were devoid of other trainers. He also saw the terribly animated faces and cgi. The colors were dull and the frame count was at an all time low. He felt like throwing up, but it tasted like trubbish and Jimmy Dean® Pork Breakfast Sausage.

ShinTaillow was at the shop and he picked up the delicious, steamy, chicken strips fresh out of the oven. Then all of a sudden the mall was getting robbed! ShinTaillow grabbed the chicken and ran but to no avale. He had crashed weenis first into the hulking , seme body of a beautiful macho man as beautiful as hitmonchan.

"Nani! He purrloined with much passion.

"Che" the man procloystered.

ShinTaillow gapsed and backed away. It was farfetch'd, but ShinTaillow had fallen in luvdisk with the beautiful whitenette that stood before him. The whitenette's name was not Allen, nor Kaneki, nor Shion, nor Akise, nor Inuyasha, nor Ash, nor Shiro, nor Lyon, nor Suigetsu, nor Tomoe, nor Komaeda, nor Suzuya, nor Arima, nor Kakashi, nor Kaworu, nor Killua, nor Makishima, nor Soul, nor Prussia, nor Lag Seeing, nor Zero, nor Mifune, nor Kabuto, nor Sesshomaru, nor Yashiro, nor Near, nor Gintoki, nor Tsukihiko, nor Sasha, nor Arslan, nor Miketsukami, nor Itona. His name was Konoha, of the village hidden in the leaves. Konoha adjusted his hitai-ite and straightened (no hetero tho), his gleaming buffness like a machamp becoming all the more apparent.

ShinTaillow desu blushed as he defenestrated himself and Konoha. They fell 23 floors to their deaths.

But Mary saw this and was like Oh Nose! So she turned back time and everything was daijobu.

* * *

ShinTaillow woke up and went to another day at his boring gakuen where nothing happened. Ayano was there with a smile as wide as banettes, as she wrapped a yveltal colored scarf around her neck. Her nosepass was sticking out as she pokeballed him in the calve.

He groaned and endured it but it left him with only 1 hp. It would have KOed him. Thankfully, he used his smart shounen eye powers and saw the entire future. He called this move future sight. Later on it would deal damage to the opposing foe.

Ayano grabbed her stuff and left ShinTaillow to suckerpunch it himself as she leapt off the roof of the building. ShinTaillow cried like a teenager in his rebellious phase.

ShinTaillow was super mad so he timeskipped to the next rewind.

Repeat

* * *

Kuroha killed them all, again.

Repeat

* * *

ShinTaillow changed his name to Shintaro to appease his meager fans. They grasped onto this news like a fujoshi grasps their Love Stage! and Junjou Romantica.

Gazing at the girl on his screen (not porn, don't worry), Shintaro face-palmed and then proceeded to slam his head repeatedly into the wall from frustration.

Ene, partially amused, giggled slightly. However, she didn't know that what she was watching, would be forever etched in her mind…

Shintaro continued to ram his head into the wall.

All of a sudden, a crack appeared! Shintaro's head had ripped a hole in the universe itself.

Shintaro was assaulted with numerous snakes which creeped up his arms and legs. It was becoming a hentai!

The tear in the universe which Shintaro created was a hole through the genres. Kagerou Project was crossing the numerous genres of ami-anime.

The slippery tentacles inched up Shintaro's calves, approaching his inner thighs. They oozed a liquid which dripped onto the floor. Slowly, they made their way across his body, enclosing him in their rapturous embrace.

Suddenly, the genre changed again!

Shintaro transformed gracefully. Light surrounded his being as an epic sequence of unparalleled power took place.

It was… Magical Girls.

But Shintaro wasn't a girl.

That didn't matter because of the Love Warrior power. The Love Making power he wielded went against all odds.

As a mighty hero, he shouted, "I FIGHT….. FOR…...THE SPIRAL!"

Shit, Shintaro thought wearily. He couldn't escape the shittiness of this story. He looked at the screen, towards the unassuming readers.

"Please," his voice laced with exhaustion. "Save me from this crappy parody."

But the reader could do nothing. They watched in horror as the last drops of their respect for the series whittled away with the terribly animated Ayano's Theory of Happiness cutscene from the anime.

In his dying breath, Mary granted Shintaro the retaining eyes.

Shintaro's dead body lay there... dead. He was… DEAD!

Repeat

* * *

Mary made some tea. She dropped it on Momo. Momo, rightfully so, was pissed and killed Mary.

They couldn't time-loop again because the queen was dead. So, Route XX ended with them all dying because Mary couldn't walk in a straight line.

The End

Ayano was still sitting in the classroom. But she was dead, and she would never return. The Mekakushitty Dan can't pull a deus ex machina and have everyone live. That is stupid as hell, and Hiyori and Ayano ain't coming back.

They died, ok?

* * *

Omake 1:

How they died…

Kido got stuck in her sweatshirt and suffocated.

Seto was mistaken for Pepe, and was hunted down and killed.

Kano turned into Meowth. Was chased after, and hit by a truck.

Mary was killed by Momo, as said earlier.

Momo was attacked by her raging swarms of fans.

Ene was discovered by the FBI, who then commissioned L to cleanse her (as a virus).

Shintaro drank 8 glasses of Coke and died from his cells expanding.

Hibiya tried to cross the road to catch Meowth. Was hit by a truck.

Konoha became Kuroha, but there was no one to kill. So he wilted away.

* * *

Omake 2:

Tsukihiko built a house, was adorable, and cute. He lived.


End file.
